


Flaming Quilltips

by Flaming_Quilltips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Community: HPFT, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 10:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7218325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flaming_Quilltips/pseuds/Flaming_Quilltips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
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  <p>Some obsessions are productive, some are destructive... some are just plain toxic...<br/>The story of Dorcas Meadowes, and an obsession that cost her everything.<br/><em>FIRST PLACE IN ScorpiusRose17s Twisted Zodiac Challenge</em><br/><em>Theia's Minor Character One-Shot Challenge || Teh tarik's Epistolary Fic Challenge</em></p>
  <p>Awesome banner by Lauralei @TDA</p>
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            </blockquote>





	Flaming Quilltips

**Diary Entry # 78**  
**21st July, 1979**  
  
A breakthrough. Finally. The first real one since his death in 1972. It has been a dead end for the past eight months, and the trail ran cold with his trip to Spain. I have been trying to track down the old innkeeper from where he stayed, and finally met with him today. He gave me quite a bit of information, and handed over an envelope Dad had given him, leaving instructions to be delivered to  his partner. It had gone undelivered because Dad was found dead the following morning. How I wish I wasn’t a helpless, ignorant twelve year old then.

The envelope was empty and the innkeeper swears he didn’t tamper with it. A quick charm proved he was telling the truth. But now I have the name of his partner. Ten paces closer to solving this. 

All I need to do now is, find Liam Ziener.

* * *

**23rd July, 1979**  
  
Dearest Dorcas, 

I must say I was surprised to receive your letter. The way you left things, I didn’t think I would ever hear from you again. Is Lyra sick? Why have you used another owl? For a moment, I expected (rather hoped) something else, but I should have known better. Your words often lack the passion that I know you’re capable of in the rarest of moments. 

I wouldn’t want to waste your time talking about what we could have been, because you’ve so clearly expressed your feelings to the contrary. I’ll dive right into the information you needed so badly that you resorted to contacting me, something you swore never to do. I should have guessed it had something to do with your father’s murder. 

I looked into the ministry records you asked me to, but the name Liam Ziener drew a blank. There doesn’t seem to be any evidence of him working for the ministry itself. At first I thought the innkeeper must have been mistaken, and that envelope couldn't have been for your father’s partner. But then it struck me that a lot of Aurors used to work under alternate names to protect their families. After sifting through piles of records, I was able to find an old photo of your father’s team. I have enclosed the photo in this letter. The person standing next to your father, with his arm around his shoulders, is the one you’re looking for. I was able to find out his name - William Bones. His current residence is unknown, and there are no records of him after March 1972, the month your father died. It is possible he was killed as well.

I know it is futile to tell you not to go looking for his killer, but to warn you (for the nth time) is the least I can do. Dory, you’ve been fixating on this your whole life, ever since you were twelve. You’ve isolated yourself in this quest. You’ve stopped coming to the Order meetings, you don’t share anything with your friends, you’re so vague about where you live or what you do. This isn’t just about the last few months, you’ve always been so closed and guarded, and never understood that there are people who truly care about you. Mary Macdonald is worried sick. Lily Evans said she wrote you over ten letters and you never wrote back. She really hoped you would at least make it to her wedding. That was a new low, Dorcas, even for you. She and James got married last week, a beautiful ceremony which would have definitely made you roll your eyes at the cliches.

Honestly Dory, I don’t know why I’m wasting my energy telling you all this. I guess some part of me hopes you will come back from it all, that you will be the same girl I fell in love with four years ago at the Pro-Muggleborn Rally. Sometimes I wonder if it all ever meant anything to you.

Yours (even if you’re not mine)

Benjy Fenwick

P.S. Happy Birthday Dory. Hope all this is worth spending it alone.

* * *

Benjamin,

With everything that’s happened between us, I didn’t think you would take this much trouble for me. Believe me when I say I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done right now.

Convey my wishes to Lily and James. I am truly sorry for missing their wedding, but I hope they understand I had no other choice.

Do not try to trace this owl back to me, you won’t be able to. Good luck with everything.

Dorcas

* * *

**Diary Entry # 80**  
**29th July, 1980**  
  
I have never wanted a relationship, I was clear from the start. I knew then I didn’t want to bring anyone into my dark, murderer-hunting world. I’ll never forgive myself for putting Benjy and Lily in potential danger by confiding in them in sixth year. This is why emotions are dangerous - they don’t let you think clearly... and you become weak. 

The rally Benjy speaks of almost seems a lifetime ago. It is simultaneously so vivid in my memories and yet a distant blur. Moments with Benjy have faded in comparison to the attacks that we faced that day. Who can stand by and wait for the right time to act after something like that? Lily doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She is so naive sometimes. Death Eaters don’t wait for the right time, they just destroy. We need to strike back when we can. Waiting will only convince them we are weak.

Benjy seems to think I’ve changed since then, but quite the contrary. The whole point of the rally was protesting against the anti-muggleborn activities. If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate it is injustice and I have always been for the cause _._ I joined the order to dedicate my life to it. 

I was clear about my intentions from the start. But he decided he wanted more. He changed, not me.

* * *

**Diary Entry #84**  
**30th August, 1979**  
  
William Bones. William Bones. It’s been tiring, working on the mission for the Order as well as trying to track down William Bones. I wonder if Dumbledore has been keeping me extra busy so that I wouldn’t have time for this. I wouldn't put it past Benjy to have asked him to do just that.

Amelia Bones says her father went into hiding shortly after March 1972, just like the records say. Rumors about his death surfaced that May. Everyone else I’ve spoken to either doesn’t remember him or say he’s dead. But there’s something fishy about this. I don’t believe he’s dead, but I don't see how I can prove it.

I better get to tracking down this house elf Dumbledore wanted me to. Honestly, I can’t imagine what he’d want with an old elf named Hokey.

* * *

**27th September, 1979**

If this letter fell into wrong hands, there would be more than our lives at stake. When I got your letter, it was almost like a ghost from my past coming to haunt me. I don’t know how you managed to find out I was not dead, much less track me down. You spoke of things that your father and I have tried our hardest to bury, and I’m both amazed and scared at how accurately you have managed to put so much together. 

You were right about the nature of Orestes’ trip to Spain. Your father and I were working on the trafficking of illegal potion ingredients (a kind of herb indigenous to Spain to be specific). At the time, it was a regular Ministry work, with all the expected dangers… until everything turned upside down overnight. 

We followed the evidence to a group of extremists, who we know today to be called the Death Eaters. At the time, they were dismissed to be a rumor, despite occurrences of small stirrings and unrest among certain supremacists. They operated in secret. They were always very good at hiding their tracks. To my knowledge, Orestes was the only one who got as close to them as he did. He was on the verge of not only proving their existence, but also revealing a couple of names. At the time, that would have been worth everything, for us Aurors and the Ministry. 

The day before Orestes died was the last I talked to him. He was being cautious with his words, but working together for so many years, it was almost like we had developed our own language. I understood enough to know that there was some meeting that he was going to listen in on, and collect evidence. He sounded excited, and confident, as he always did. He was never one to heed my words of caution, a Gryffindor through and through he was. I smiled away his assurances, knowing my words would fall on deaf ears, and knowing that Orestes always turned out alright in the end. 

The next thing I know, I’m being called into the Ministry for questioning regarding his death. I learned that he had been found dead in his room the morning after our conversation. The mission was aborted, and due to the highly sensitive nature, all reports and traces of its existence were destroyed. The Ministry promised protection, but I knew what I had to do. I faked my death to protect my family. I never knew what transpired in those twenty-four hours - between the time I flooed with him, and his death.  Nobody ever knew what he had uncovered, but it was enough to get him killed. 

I can see why you would want answers, and if I were in your place I would want to hunt down the bastards who did it. But I, a well trained Auror, have faked my death and been living in hiding for seven years - just for being associated with the mission. I’m not going to let the daughter of my beloved partner walk into the middle of it. I suggest you let go of this. Sometimes you need to step over the smaller things for the greater picture. Your father would have wanted you to stay alive, and would have done anything to keep you that way. The least I can do to honor his memory is to not reveal anything further. 

William

* * *

**Diary Entry #97**  
**19th October, 1979**  
  
I saw Benjy today. It shouldn’t mean anything. But, I still can’t stop thinking ‘I saw Benjy today’. Dumbledore insisted everyone be present at today’s meeting, and I couldn’t avoid it. Lily and James look so happy, and Marlene still has a thing for Remus, though she hides it much better now. Remus is fooling himself if he thinkgs nobody knows about his condition, silly boy.

Benjy. He looked pretty much as I remember him, except for dark circles under his eyes. Oh, he had also tanned a shade darker. Was the Order's mission keeping him outdoors for long hours?

I kept avoiding him; spent one whole hour trying to put as much space between us as possible. I even resorted to having a very weird conversation with Aberforth Dumbledore. He is so strange. Goats? Really?

Then suddenly somebody wanted to take a photo - I think it was Alice Longbottom. If you ask me, she’s far too sentimental to be an auror. Before I realized, Benjy somehow found his way next to me. He didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, didn’t try to hold my hand or sneak a kiss with his annoying smug expression. He just _looked_ at me, and it was somehow ten times worse. 

I’ve tried so hard to put my feelings aside, and focus on what has to be done. But despite everything, it took just five seconds of looking into his eyes to feel horribly painful to be there - near him and around him but unable to be _with_ him.

Maybe, once everything is over, there will be time for all of this. But not right now. Even if there was time, I wonder if I can ever be happy. Maybe in another day, another universe, where Orestes Meadowes wasn’t dead, and Dorcas Meadowes wasn’t damaged.

* * *

**23rd November, 1979**

****You have your father’s persistence and determination. I hoped my last four letters of earnest protests and dangerous auror tales would make an impression on you. I should have known better, you are your father’s daughter. I know you will knock down every last door to get what you need. After giving this careful thought, I’ve decided to tell you what I know, only because I’d rather you hear it from me than go asking around and drawing the attention of the Death Eaters.

There is one name that came up in connection with all of this. He was the only person your father met with personally during the mission. He was our prime suspect in various smuggling cases, but we couldn’t pin anything on him. It was speculated at the time that he murdered your father, but there was no evidence, and he produced an ironclad alibi. Though he couldn’t have committed the murder, I was never fully convinced of his innocence. If anyone would know about your father’s death, it would be him - Cygnus Black. 

Do heed my word of caution, and look before you leap. 

William.

* * *

**6th December, 1979**

****Dorcas,

I’m (pleasantly) surprised to know that you’re still alive, because in my experience, only dead people don’t respond to letters. 

I’m so mad at you right now! You hardly spoke at the last Order meeting you came to, didn't even bother to furnish a proper apology, refused to even stand near us for the picture, and now you write when you want some information? You didn’t even come to my wedding for Godric’s sake! And I wrote so much asking you to be my bridesmaid! Marlene was ready to hunt you down if that's what it took. Honestly, I didn't even know if you were worth it. You’ve always been private and unemotional, but never so cold, distant and plain rude (well, not for this long, anyway). I have a good mind to pull a Dorcas (yes, that’s what we call the disappearing act now) and not reply to this letter! But I won’t be mean to you because you were mean to me. 

So, I asked Sirius about Cygnus Black. Turns out it is his uncle - father to Narcissa Malfoy, Andromeda Tonks and Bellatrix Lestrange. Sirius says it’s quite likely he was mixed up with something illegal. Apparently, he would often travel abroad when Sirius was younger, and bring back weird dark objects from different parts of the world. Sirius was so casual and matter of fact with this information… I can’t imagine growing up in his family, they scare me.

On a less angry note, Dory, we’re worried about you. All of us - Benjy, Marlene, Remus, Sirius, James and I… You don’t have to do this alone. You have us, we can use the Order’s resources, we can do things together. Why do you have to be so darn closed? 

You know, Benjy isn’t like before. He’s not the laughing Hufflepuff seeker we knew back in school. He’s withdrawn and hardly ever talks to anyone. Reminds me a little of you during one of your moods. I can’t bear to see him that way. His eyes light up hopefully when someone mentions your name in Order meetings, and he turns around to see if you’ve made it to this one at least. It’s just so sad… and despite everything you say I know you’re hurting inside. I know you truly care for him. Why do you always think being practical means being devoid of emotion? You are so fucking stubborn! (yes, I swore. That’s how frustrated I am.)

Come back Dory, and let us help you. We can do this together. I miss you.

Yours Lovingly, (because I can’t stay mad at you for long)

Lily Evans  
No Wait, Lily Potter. (I’m still getting used to my new name!)

* * *

**Diary Entry #102**  
**2nd January, 1980**  
  
I had to take a long bath to cleanse myself today. I only wish I could cleanse my mind just as easily. The lengths I had to go to get information - yuck! Old Cygnus Black is quite the pervert, my skin still itches and crawls even now when I think of it. He was pretty out of it by the time the veritaserum started it’s work. He remembered Dad quite clearly, even laughed when I mentioned him, calling him ‘that idiot ministry kiss-ass’. It took all my willpower not to pull an unforgivable on him right then. 

He revealed that the Dark Lord had asked him to brew a potion for him, a dark potion that would make the drinker see and remember the most terrible memories of the past, and relive it with such intensity that reality would be forgotten. He remembered that there was an additional request that sounded quite strange - he was to make the potion such that the drinker’s throat would burn with thirst. He said it took over sixteen months to hunt down every ingredient. Most of them were controlled substances, banned in Britain and other places. 

I still don’t understand what this had to do with Dad. He said that father had known a little too much about this potion when they had met. He also revealed that Dad had been asking too many questions and probing a little too much into Voldemort’s activities. It seems Voldemort had lost his cool when Cygnus Black mentioned these questions to him. Killed a muggle in his rage was what he said. I still shake with anger at how cheap these people are, how the value of life means nothing to them. He said Voldemort had ordered him to take care of it. Unfortunately, this is where he stopped. The potion was wearing off, and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough before he started groping me again.

* * *

**Diary Entry #109**  
**11th February, 1980**  
  
Where will this investigation take me? How many more injustices do I have to uncover along the way? This is like a vortex that keeps sucking in everything that’s right with the world. There’s so much we don’t know yet, and Dumbledore still has me tracking down a _sodding house-elf._ The more I uncover, the more I feel things at the order are moving too slowly. The rate at which the Death Eaters are taking over is too fast, and we cannot catch up if we are going to sit down and tolerate all this waiting for orders from Dumbledore. Sometimes I feel Sirius is right, we have to take somethings in our own hands. 

But when I did that, I went down a path so twisted and so far from where I began, I’m struggling to find my way back. I’ve reached a point of no return, where I have to keep ploughing on until I hit gold, and there’s no guarantee there is gold at the other end. With my kind of luck, probably an ugly, worthless rock at the most.  

* * *

**Diary Entry #132**  
**16th April, 1980**  
  
Cygnus Black’s brother-in-law is Vance Rosier. I don’t know why that is significant, but I have a gut feeling that’s the trail I need to follow. Not Hokey the house-elf’s. At least I tracked her down last week and reported to Dumbledore, and I can focus on Black for the time being.

* * *

**22nd April, 1980**

****Dearest Dory,

Lily told me you wrote her five months back, and that she tried to get you to rope us in. I know you won’t, which is why we did some digging on our own. You’d be surprised to find what teamwork can achieve, Dory. You should try it sometime, you know.

We found the link between William Bones and Cygnus Black, but I bet Lily five Galleons that you would have figured that out already. I could really use the five galleons since I got fired from the Ministry last week. Something about inefficiency. Damn nerve they have, talking about me - those incompetent fools don't have half the gall the Order does to keep the Death Eaters in check.

Anyway, here’s what we found out: your father had a folder whose contents no one knew about. When they cleared out your father’s desk, they handed over that folder to your mother. The ministry assumed it was work related and tried opening it, but it was magickally sealed, and nothing worked. Eventually they sent it over, after being convinced that all case related documents were accounted for. We went one step further in acquiring that folder from your mother. She had forgotten it existed. We tried to open it but we couldn’t either. Hope you have better luck with it. 

It’s funny how everything you have wanted to know was sitting right in your home for the past seven years. Sometimes things are right before your eyes and you just don’t see it, and let it slip away. 

But remember, I can’t wait around forever.

Love,  
Benjy

* * *

**Diary Entry #141**  
**25th May, 1980**  
  
After weeks of trying to unseal the folder, I stabbed it in frustration. The knife accidentally grazed my finger and a drop of blood fell on it. And then, the cover almost melted away, revealing a stack of parchment concealed within. Dad made it such that only _his_ blood would be able to unlock it. I wonder if he had taken me into account when he charmed it so.

This makes me feel that _this_  is my destiny, my legacy. Dad hadn’t intended so, but unwittingly, he had passed on to me the very foundation upon which the anti-Voldemort movement should be built. He had been on the verge of unraveling something that would shake down the core of the Death Eaters. It all became very clear. My obsession with Dad’s murder had led to this. If I had been patient, and tolerated everything like every one had asked me to, I would never have uncovered this. 

Inside were some pages from my Dad’s thesis for his Auror studies on ‘Darkest Evils of The Dark Arts’ (the one he received top honors for) and his notes about the investigation. This is bigger than a herb, bigger than anything we can imagine. Dumbledore needs to know about this. The illegal herbs, Cygnus Black’s potion, Voldemort’s fury when father started poking around and his hurry to get rid of him - it all makes sense now. 

Also, the name Vance Rosier came up in the last auror meeting. He is suspected in five murders, but none proved. I knew I was fixating on that name for a reason, the slimy Death Eater. If Cygnus Black wanted some work done, Vance Rosier would be the one to do it. I have no doubt about it.

Not only am I going to finish off my father’s killer, but I plan to face the one who ordered it to happen. I’m not afraid of Voldemort, but he now has reason to be afraid of me.

It is time.

* * *

Dearest Benjy,

I ask of you, yet another favor. Hopefully, this will be the very last of it. I am enclosing with this letter, the package containing some notes, my father’s folder and a vial with some blood in it. As weird as this request may seem, please deliver it to Dumbledore personally. PLEASE DO NOT OPEN IT, I beg of you. I could send this to him directly, but I don’t have the time. Trust no one. 

You’re right when you said some things I cannot do on my own. Some things, however, I need to do on my own. 

There are so many things I wish I had done differently in my life, especially with us. I wish our relationship hadn’t been so tumultuous, and I know I’m to blame. Being with you made me feel safe and for the first time, feel like I wasn’t alone. It made me forget all my troubles, and my obsession waned in your presence. That scared me, Benjy. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t searching for father’s killer. I didn’t want to let it go, or let any of this go. I had to fight you know, the same battle father fought till his last breath. The moments I spent with you made me wish I didn’t care so much, made me want to be one of those muggleborns who tolerated this, or those purebloods who stayed away from the war front because they knew they were safe anyway. You made me want to throw away everything I had built for myself - just to be with you.

Benjy, I needed you like air to breathe. And each time I walked away from us, I knew I was breaking you into little pieces. I hoped you wouldn’t love me so, it would have made things lot easier, but you kept coming back. What is it with you blokes and persistence? But it worked for James, and would have worked for you as well, if only I wasn’t so screwed up inside. 

I went on a limb there, sharing with you things I haven’t told anybody. My quill ran away with me. I guess I felt it was time you knew how I really felt about you. I’m so sorry I was a bitch to you Benjy, and I’m sorry for making you believe I was using you for sex. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I would love nothing more than to be with you. Maybe another time, another place, another universe.

Love (because, I do)  
Yours (forever)

Dory

PS: I’ve sent this through Lyra, and I want you to keep her with you for a while. There are some things I need to do, and I need to know she will have a home in the meantime.

* * *

**The Daily Prophet 11th June, 1980**

In a tragic and shocking incident, the Dark Mark was found hovering above a cemetery in the town of Wicksworth. With deep remorse, we regret to announce the death of Dorcas Meadowes. Daughter to the late Auror Orestes Meadowes, at just twenty, she was one of the brightest minds of Hogwarts in her year. Little is known about what she has been up to since she left Hogwarts. The reason behind her murder is unclear, and the Auror department is right behind this. Preliminary investigation reports yield, as with all Death Eater crime scenes, no evidence has been left behind.

* * *

**16th June, 1980**

Lily,

Thank you for writing me. I don’t know how I’m dealing. I don’t even know how I am holding this quill and writing these words to you. I feel like a ghost - numb and detached, and not quite belonging to this world. It feels so unreal, you know.

It’s Dory, you know, she can’t be dead. She always gets into dangerous scrapes, and she always comes out okay. Where is that letter that tells us they made a mistake, and it isn’t really her? My head keeps forming wild theories involving Polyjuice Potion, that could mean she’s alive somewhere. But she isn’t, is she?

It would really help if I knew the whole story. Did you know that she was killed by You-Know-Who personally? I was shocked when Dumbledore told me. I can’t imagine for the life of me why. Dumbledore was quite evasive about the whole thing. He says he received a threat from You-Know-Who through a Death Eater, asking him to back down. Was Dorcas an unfortunate casualty or did she really stumble on to something big? It can’t be a coincidence that both she and her father were murdered while looking into the same things, could it?

I received a letter and package from her just a couple of days before she died. I wish I hadn’t listened to her... wish I had opened it first. I just assumed it was something related to the Order for Dumbledore. I feel like such a fool now! I knew there was something strange about that letter, she sounded so candid and warm. Almost as if she knew she wouldn’t get another chance to be that way. 

You were right, Lily. She really did love me. You’d think that would make me feel better, knowing she loved me and that her hard exterior was a facade. But it doesn’t. The revelation comes in the wake of being ripped away from the possibility of a future with her forever. 

Like you said, Lil, carrying on her work is all I can do. If only she had allowed me to, I could have done so much more. We could have faced this together, we could have even had a shot at the future like you and James.  

I hope you’re dealing with it better than me. I know you, Marlene and Mary Macdonald were the closest to friends she allowed herself to have. Thank you for being a good friend to me through this all. 

Yours,  
Benjamin Fenwick

* * *

**A/N**

******Thank you all for making it till here. I wrote this story for three challenges:**

**_1\. Epistolary Fic Challenge -_ A whole story written in form of letters, diary entries or newspaper clippings**

**_2\. Minor Character One-Shot Challenge -_ Dorcas Meadowes and Benjy Fenwick**

****_3\. Twisted Zodiac Challenge -_ Prompts: Leo, intolerant (negative) a negative trait that i had to show as positive. This was hardest to write!  
  
**A BIG thank you to _DragonPoxPixie_ and _Kirstin (marauderfan)_ for their incredibly detailled and wonderfully constructive, amazing feedback which helped shape this story from a rough draft into a version I'm semi-proud of :D This one is for you!**

**A shout out to my lovely beta _Chiara (Felpata Lupin)_ without whose feedback, PMs and constant sweet encouragement and lovely beta skills I wouldn't be the writer I am today!**

**Also, to you readers and reviews, big hug and virtual cookies! Thank you for stopping by, and hope you take the time to tell me what you feel *points to review box***


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